Patriarchal Demands

Let it go.
Put it behind you.
Forgive and forget.
Move on.

This sounds like sage advice. It’s not. These are patriarchal demands. But that’s not how the natural world works, which is the only real world there is. All of those demands are designed to bury what wants to be healed and it produces any combination of: suppression, denial, shame, fear of rejection (abandonment and betrayal), guilt, and fear of separation from love. The body really does keep the score. So while “I’m not ready to heal yet” can be a valid admission of fear and/or exhaustion, I’ve discovered through lots of suffering, mostly shame, that the only path for my own healing is to go down deep, bring all of that stuff I’m ashamed of and bring it to the surface, where it can be exposed in the light. I didn’t do that for most of my life. Turns out once I brought those things up to the surface and into the light, not only were they not shameful… they are a lot of the best parts of me. So what I’ve discovered is that letting go is just code for “you should be ashamed of yourself.” But more and more, I am not and I will not. I’ve got a life to lead and a dream to heed (thanks Rufus Wainwright for those wonderful lyrics) and so do you. Facing oneself is not only the path to healing, it’s the path to integration. And this process is an ongoing, lifelong journey. It’s not a one and done. The process of healing and integration is self-love. And if we all do it, we can change the world.